brainwagon

Warning: This may contain something you will view as a spoiler. You’ve been warned.

It was with some mixed feelings that I decided to go see Alien vs. Predator this weekend. After all, if you average out all four Alien movies and both Predator movies, you end up with a grade of C. In each case, half of the franchise was good to excellent, and the second half was, well, terrible. Really bad. Highlander 2 bad.

So I was expecting nothing at all from Alien vs. Predator. Actually, I was expecting it to really actively suck. But sometimes you just have to pay your $8.50 and hope for the best.

And, sometimes, you are pleasantly surprised.

Mind you, not that surprised. It certainly doesn’t compare to the first movie of either franchise, both of which I consider to be excellent, but neither do they make you cringe much. You won’t find any remarkable characters in this movie. You won’t remember any of their names, be able to tell your friends what jobs they had, or anything about them. The humans exist solely as punching (or should I say puncturing) bags for the two alien species, and true to form of both series, only one will survive to tell the tale.

The basic outline: a mysterious pyramid is found underneath the ice of Antartica. Science team led by ailing robotics expert decide to go check it out. It’s an alien pyramid, built by the Predators as sort of a rite of passage for their warriors: they enter to battle Aliens. If they win, they are branded as victors and get pay raises. If they fail, an explosion kills all remaining Aliens, ala the self destruct of Predator.

Okay, there is one cringe-worthy part: the whole “archaelogy” aspect of it. The pyramid shows signs of “Aztec, Egyptian and Cambodian” influences, and in fact the Predators were known to all three civilizations, or so the story goes. Wince. That’s not even remotely possible to anyone who doesn’t wear a tinfoil hat.

But let’s move on. The vast majority of the humans (be they archaelogists, soldiers, or… whatever) exist only as empty place holders until folded, spindled, mutilated or impregnated by alien face huggers. The real stars are the Aliens and Predators, and they are pretty cool. The battle sequences are pretty damned nifty. They’ve really got that “dripping Alien, quivering lips, double-rack of teeth” thing working in this one. Cool stuff.

I’d rate it a good B-. Above average, but not memorable. Fun Saturday matinee fare, and shouldn’t totally make you tear up your ticket in disgust.